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Normally I keep my thoughts on black dog to this blog but for a very specific reason I broke that rule today.

It is only when you open your veins and bleed onto the page a little that you establish contact with your reader. Wrote Paul Gallico in "Confessions of a Story Writer".

Sometimes you need to get a little red upon your readers.

The main gist of the article was: "The sky won't fall forever" which is my way of reminding myself that it's can't rain all the time. The quote about rain is something that has lived with me since I first watched the movie "The Crow".

It's like the idea that it will not rain forever has carried me along like a universal truth, because maybe it is. Or maybe that film just came along at just the right time to say some things I could not give voice to. "The Crow" is one of those things that has always stayed with me and not for the reasons that most of the mainstream could ever understand.

Perhaps I really did just want to be more honest with my blogging or maybe this was just a cry for help that could safely be ignored. Then again the message was not to loose hope and as "Hope Is Posssible" points out:


So if that blog post of mine was a cry for help it was a cry for help in not forgetting that the storm will end one day.

Until then there is always time to lie a few more times and say everything is "fine".


Here's a pretty link to the article in question.


Don't let me forget...

Posted by: Matthew Brown on 30/09/2014 · [permalink] · Add comment

Unlike most times this time I have some really meaty reasons for the barking.

Normally when the black dog of depression barks I have no particular reason that I can give as to why. This time is different. there is whopping great reason and I am honestly not sure how much I can legitimately talk about in public which is just making this whole thing worse.

If you fancy coming on and talking about health for a while I could use a guest writer...

Posted by: Matthew Brown on 05/09/2014 · [permalink] · Add comment

I must take a trip to the dentist tomorrow for a filling. I must confess that I am not looking forward to it.

It is not so much the wait before hand as I am good at daydreaming and distracting myself. It is not so much the work itself, after all my mouth will be numb. It's the injection that starts everything off. That is possibly the most deeply unpleasant feeling on the planet. Second only to the dribbling numb mouth mess that I am after.

Still, it could be worse, I could be having a tooth pulled out. Eeek.

Posted by: Matthew Brown on 03/09/2014 · [permalink] · Add comment

I have challenged myself to carry out at least one unconditional act of kindness each day.

Easy, thought I, I like being nice to people. This will be a walk in the park.

How wrong I was.

The problem I have is that while I enjoy being a nice person I am also something of a hermit and prone to bouts of shyness. As a result I am struggling to come up with daily ideas for spreading a little joy in the world.

Any suggestions?

Posted by: Matthew Brown on 29/08/2014 · [permalink] · 2 Comments

I am a loser, in the best sense of the phrase.

It has taken me a long time to brave the scales. Mostly because I had convinced myself that I was getting nowhere.

It was back in January that I first noted a few pounds had dropped off my total. That was significant for me because ti was the first time that my weight had started to go down again after the disaster that was unlimited free fizzy drink.


By July I was looking at my body and thinking that I was stuck at far too big and far too heavy.


But the truth was that just doing the few sensible things of being moderately healthy and focusing on getting my life back after being close to utterly disabled by my back meant that I was slowly shedding the extra pounds.

Thus I discovered that I am down half a stone.


All that without "rabbit food dinners" and calorie counting. Just common sense and, if I am honest, a fair amount of cake, donuts and chocolate.

The chances are that I could have lost more but that I am, on aggregate, going in a downward trend without effort is good enough for me.

Posted by: Matthew Brown on 12/08/2014 · [permalink] · Add comment

I have been suffering from a case of black dog.

No that's not some strange illness or STD it is simply my name for the depression that stalks my life.

Black Dog

» Keep reading Black Dog Days

Posted by: Matthew Brown on 01/08/2014 · [permalink] · Add comment

I have been sitting on my fat arse playing Elder Scrolls but the online version sucked.

Elder Scrolls is an RPG game that is basically loads of fun to play. You can read more about me playing it here. However the online version was not so good. Elder Scrolls Online can kiss my big fat arse.

That is all.

Posted by: Matthew Brown on 25/03/2014 · [permalink] · Add comment

Mel shows us the truth behind the "before" and "after" shots by transforming herself in just 15 minutes.

Part of the function of advertising is to make you want a product. This works by creating the perception of need which requires you to feel dissatisfied with something. This is different from real need - in order to sell you my deliciouse cooking I simply need to show it to you when you are hungry and say want some?

On the other hand to sell you my old carpet which I am about to throw away I would have to first convince you that your carpet is so very bad that my old carpet would be an upgrade. The chances are though that my old carpet is only a different colour (and not the one it was when it was first put down). In short I've got to almost, but not quite, lie to you.

This is what diet marketing does. It needs to sell you a product that you probably do not need. In many cases it wants to sell you a product that you definitely don't need. So it gives you two messages. "You are not good enough" and "your current diet product is not good enough". After all if you and your diet were good enough you would have lost the weight by now... right?

Mel has deftly shown us just how much horse crap this message is. The before and after images used show us that you too can be good enough if only you had the success of the person in the image.

Of course the truth is that diet products are as real as horse feathers and as necessary to being healthy as headbutting the wall ten times daily. If you read my blog regularly then you probably know this - I see no proof that diets work at all. This is because being fat is not the problem it is the symptom.

For the new comers here is the truth about changing your body shape: Dieting is hype Quick fixes are undone twice as quickly. Long lasting change takes time and effort. Lasting change is never, ever quick. My fat arse did not become fat one evening while I sat down to eat an extra slice of my nan's Christmas pudding (which by the way was the best on the planet) it happened slowly so that I did not notice it. The road back is the exact same process but in reverse.

My BMI (a doubtful measure at best) will not change from one month to the next. I must change and then one day while I am busy becoming a different person my body will, slowly, catch up to the new me.

Posted by: Matthew Brown on 10/01/2014 · [permalink] · Add comment

The Diet industry is huge so can we trust anything it says?

I've been thinking about this of late. The diet and weight loss industry is truly massive. A lot of money os made selling us products and foods that conform to complicated science that we do not really understand.

There is a lot of money to be made by convincing people to keep doing something that has minimal impact but is easy and so feels like I'm doing something. Switch it up every few years and target new complex fat types and there is an endless stream of people going oh, so that's why X was not working out so well. I was doing Y.

Then when it fails to work tell the customer they did it wrong because they also need less or more of something you are ready to sell them.

Because our bodies tend to react slowly there is a short term gain followed by loss and it feels like we are the ones getting it wrong.

Have we just been lied to over and over again? I think maybe we have.

Posted by: Matthew Brown on 08/01/2014 · [permalink] · Add comment

Starting a new chapter as 2014 approaches and returning to serious writing.

It has been a long time since I wrote about anything health and lifestyle related and Boxing Day seems a good a time as any to start a new chapter. I have for the longest time wanted to start writing about Theological, Logical and Spiritual matters but have, for various reasons stopped short.

Have I, I wondered, got enough to say to make it worth while people even bothering to read about such things? Could I after saying looking into the Bible for a few months really have anything of note to add on that subject? Having read some of the far more interesting atheist articles on the web anything of interest to add to that school of debate? After all I hardly seem to have enough to say about being a fatty.

Could I be interesting enough? I ask. After all Keith, a good friend and far superior writer, was from the get go better than I think I could ever be. Winning awards with his very first attempts. There are people funnier than I am, more articulate than I am, more insightful than I am and on the whole better qualified than I am to write about matters of the soul and our place in the universe.

» Keep reading Spiritual Fatty? A confessional.

Posted by: Matthew Brown on 26/12/2013 · [permalink] · Add comment